Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
