wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize