Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
