Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
