I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize