I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
