dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
