Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
