So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
