if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got inside last night via doggy door
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
