My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
