Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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