Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
