i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize