if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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