You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
