Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
