I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
