so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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