Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize