These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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