I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
