Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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