she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
