Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
