i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
