If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize