Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
