Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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