i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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