He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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