Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
