look no pants
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You made out with two different species that night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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