I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
