The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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