I am puke
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
