then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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