Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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