You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize