i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
