she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
