you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
