Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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