I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
