3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
