u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
