Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
