I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
