At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
