He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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