First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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