she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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