Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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