I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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