do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
