I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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