If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I got inside last night via doggy door
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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