so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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