I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
