The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
