you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize