I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
