WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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