I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
