dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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