im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
