It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
