she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
