Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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