a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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