How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
